Subject: Re: [MK8]AARGH - why are they so bonkers? Here's why......

Martha,

As usual, your answer is brilliant. This helps me understand what happened
with my 4th graders today.

Also, someone else on the list this evening mentioned anxieties children may
have about summer and "no school" that I hadn't really thought about (no one
home, no lunch, etc.). Both answers give me a new perspective to work from
for the next few weeks.

Sandy

----- Original Message -----
From: "M Stanley"
To: "mk8list"
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2010 7:53 PM
Subject: [MK8]AARGH - why are they so bonkers? Here's why......


> It's time for my yearly discussion of normal group behavior. The stages
> of
> group development PREDICT accurately that about springtime, things start
> falling apart. This is normal. It's worse for the kids leaving the
> school
> next year. Therefore, 5th graders can be HORRIBLE. Or wonderful. Ya
> never
> know.
>
> Group Development is an actual subject that is studied. And for over 20
> years, information has been available for teachers which can help them
> understand what's happening.
>
> Briefly the stages are:
>
> The stages start out with "getting to know you" otherwise known as the
> honeymoon period. Learn their names, tell them the procedures, etc.
>
> Then it's the "do I trust you" stage where there is testing the rules to
> see
> if you really meant them AND to find out if you really are nice about it
> or
> not.
>
> Then -if you're nice and the kids get consistently expected to do two
> things
> - you get to the "productivity" stage, where everyone continues those two
> things. Those two group tasks in ANY group are "get the job done" and
> "keep
> everyone happy enough to get the job done." Happy doesn't mean la-la-la
> happy; rather it means there are kind and consistent rules and
> consequences
> which facilitate learning and cooperative, happy kids.
>
> If you don't have those two things operating, then the kids never get to
> productivity, then the next stage - "letting go" or "moving on" or
> "termination" stage - is just a continuation of the "do I trust you" to
> help
> us get the job done and to keep us happy enough to get the job done stage
> and the answer has been consistently "no." Therefore, we did not get our
> jobs done and we didn't really work toward keeping each other happy enough
> to get the jobs done. You can think of classes like this and then kinda
> scope how the teacher works things in his/her class. Hmmmm......
>
> If you have set the stage for "productivity", then the kids and you have
> actually invested effort and time to building and keeping relationships
> and
> team effort and learning in productive ways. THEN when the end comes
> near,
> they will be subconsciously feeling grief because the relationships and
> the
> team created will be splitting up. People will not see each other again,
> the teacher will not be there...... and the moving on stage will be more
> rocky.
>
> Moving on means letting go ---- letting go of the rules, the expectations.
> It means feeling a little grief whether conscious or not. It means that
> it's better to be mad and/or not care than to feel sad. It looks like
> fussing and lack of following standard rules and regs, and it can be
> alternately stormy and perfect. The perfect comes from trying to
> memorialize the good times and trying to forestall the inevitable
> dissolution. But it's a yo-yo.
>
> Fifth graders get it particularly bad because they are leaving the whole
> school, the whole elementary thing AND they're hormonal AND they're
> entering
> the identity/anti-identity stage (I don't know who I am, but it sure isn't
> any of you grownups!!). God Bless 5th grade teachers!
>
> So - tighten up kindly, continue with the same rules and consequences,
> explain to them what's happening, be consistent. Honor their loss - give
> them a chance to memorialize the end of their time together in this school
> year. I'm having request day so they can tiptoe down memory lane in a
> productive, fun and healing way. Others might have them write a poem
> about
> their good times, whatever.
>
> So - when you catch yourself wondering WHAT in the heck happened, just
> know
> that it is normal. Not real pleasant, but totally predictable and
> expect-able.
>
>
> --
> Martha Stanley, NBCT
> www.marthabeesmusic.com
> The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas first!
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