Submitted by Martha Stanley, NBCT, Tallahassee, Florida

Idea posted February 2, 2004

A few years ago I taught with a 1st grade teacher who also had a black belt in Tae Kwan Do. She used an adapted version of the martial arts rules in her class that I have now adopted. They are:

If someone's bothering you:
1. Ignore them. If that doesn't work,
2. Say, "Please stop," and say it like you mean it. If that doesn't work,
3. Ask me (the teacher) if you can move. That will alert me to the problem and I will say, "Of course," and give a meaningful look to the offending child.
4. If it continues (like if the offenders follows the child), then say, "Mrs. Stanley, I need some help," and I'll be sure to step in formally at that time. I tell them that while they handle the problem, I'll be following the same process.
1. I'll ignore the problem (actually I'm subtly monitoring the situation) while the kids handle it until I have to say to the offender,
2. "Please stop" because the victim has asked for help.
3. I may move the offender to the "stop and think bench" if necessary, and if it continues,
4. I will call the offender's parents and say, "Dear Mom, I need your help getting Johnny to make good choices in music."

I hate when children tattle; it's asking me to jump in before the child does the first three steps. This four step plan shows kids how to handle the situation themselves. It's actually very simple and it works well in my room.

So "Mia" raises her hand (again) and whines, " 'Bernard' is bothering me (again)." I ask "Did you say PLEASE STOP?" "No..." So I stop and say, "Well, tell him now," and that will usually take care of it. I always show them the ineffective ways to do it:

"Please stop" - giggly;
"Please stop" - hesitantly;
"Please stop" - timidly;
These responses just invite repeated problems. Then I show them how to look the kid in the eye and with a face Then we practice. They're starting to catch on. I always reinforce kids who handle their own problems and do it peacefully. Peaceful does not have to be wimpy!
My poster says:
How To Handle Conflict
1. Ignore it.
2. Say, "Please stop."
3. Move away.
4. Say, "Mrs. Stanley, I need some help."