Submitted by Martha Stanley, Tallahassee, Florida

Idea posted July 29, 2004

1. They are kids - they have egos, histories, training, and teacher expectations. They have bodies that are just like everyone else's.
2. They are different. There is set of characteristics that is right on for kids who have IQs over 130. These include a sense of humor (my favorite part) and an ability to remember quickly. They tend to read a lot, get sucked into a subject and learn everything about it and then go to the next subject, see connections where other kids don't, and, surprisingly, have an advanced sense of justice and fair-play. There are more similarities, but I'll move on.
3. Their parents and teachers have taught them. They are NOT grown-ups, and they need to be accepted as they are AND coached and corrected, just as all children do. You do them a disservice by not kindly pointing out how "rude" or "unkind" that last interaction was. If they aren't told, they don't know!
4. They often live in a highly verbal world. They will pick your test items and rules apart, and they will display an internal logic in their questions that is often beyond that of their peers. So the rule should never be "don't do this or that" but rather "do this or that." Example: don't run in the halls is a real loser. That gives them permission to skip, turn cartwheels, skateboard, etc.

In addition, they will try to use language (rather than force) to get their way. They will argue back about something. It's their way - they're not being bad for this, it's natural. Just don't accept it.

They also have piercing put-downs. Don't let them get away with it. They may even be clever and funny while doing it, but bring it to their attention how they're getting the chuckles and that the target is getting hurt. They may not have consciously seen that.

5. I taught gifted kids for ten years in an all-gifted magnet program. I KNOW how different they are. Some standard corrective or preemptive remarks to them from me:
• "Gifted mind - gifted heart - you know better than that."
• "You know exactly what I expect and want from you. Don't tell me you don't. If you really don't know, I'm still holding you accountable because you were not paying attention when you should have."
• "You gotta be psychic around me - read my mind - you KNOW what I want you to do."
6. Their pet peeve is the stupid expectation that because they have advanced abilities in some areas that they will know everything about everything. Bull. I am so-called gifted, and you do NOT want me to give directions to the next town or do math for you. Period. My husband is gifted - he could do grad college math in high school without needing paper to work it out. He is truly amazing in this area, but don't ask him to analyze people.

Gifted kids can do many things well but not everything. Get real. They are people, not programmed automatons who have piles of knowledge already tucked into their little heads at birth. They don't know all the morays and manners of their world. We're supposed to assist them, not condemn them for not having prior knowledge!

Their secret fear is if they aren't first, best, or in front, they will be judged inferior and worse, not loved or liked. "You are so smart." You hear that enough from approving adults and your little mind will permanently connect your behavior and your self-worth. DON'T TELL GIFTED KIDS THEY'RE SMART in a reinforcing manner. DON'T TELL SLOW KIDS THEY'RE DUMB. Respond to their answers and their behaviors, not their persons.

The knife to their hearts that they hear far too often from teachers is "If you're so smart, why don't you know ____ ?" or "Why can't you ____ ?" If they answer that question honestly and with a perfectly accurate response like, "Why do you expect me to know that? I'm not perfect." then they are called sassy or smart-asses, etc.

7. Most teachers would never expect a kid with an IQ below 70 to behave and learn the same as kids with 100 IQ. But they expect gifted kids to be "normal." They are both 30 points away from the mean intelligence quotient of 100. WHY DO PEOPLE EXPECT KIDS WITH 130 IQs TO BE LESS UNIQUE?
8. Gifted kids are so used to learning quickly and well that they haven't had too much opportunity to struggle. That highly influences their world, don't you think? So expect them to be very frustrated if their little third grade fingers can't manipulate a recorder quickly enough to bring the (nearly) instant success that they are used to. Help them understand that their body learns by repetition, not brain power. An explanation - a true one - helps them deal cognitively with their frustration.

Example: When they get frustrated about a lesson on something and appear ready to melt-down, let them know this - privately, arm around shoulder, sweet loving tone of voice: "Sweetheart, look around at the kids who don't learn as fast as you. They have this struggle almost every day. Look how they handle it. They just try again and again. You're not used to doing that and you're not real good at it, are you? This is your chance to learn not only what I'm trying to teach you, but also how to deal with frustration. Hang in there - you will be able to do it, but you can't quit now." In that instant, you can see realization dawning in their eyes. For the first time, perhaps, they get a glimmering of HOW they are different from other kids.

When you're eight years old, you have lived eight years being you. You don't know how to be someone else, and you've probably not reflected much on that. This lesson from an insightful teacher helps them enormously in many ways.

You have not put them down. You have given them information about who they are and accepted them WITH FLAWS and support. This is vastly important to them. They are so used to being the first or the best, and it's NOT THEIR FAULT. It's just their nature.

Gifted kids are NOT the same as regular kids, and yet they are.

Please everyone - don't allow yourself to put down kids of any intelligence. They are learning and being formed. Allow yourself to understand their unique needs and tendencies, and bring them up from where they are.

When they get their dander up, acknowledge that they are upset. Acknowledge and accept them as having opinions worth listening to. THEN lead them to a higher understanding. Confronting them with a power play will just cause resistance, and that's not good for anyone.