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Encouragement Phrase That Works!

Submitted by Martha Stanley, NBCT , Tallahassee, Florida

Idea posted 2004-01-07

Have you ever gotten a blank stare or a shake of the head from a kid after you encouraged him/her to try again (or to begin) with "But you can do this!"

"No, I can't!" the eyes plead in return.

My "Ah-hah!" took me back to my tortured days in algebra when the teacher encouraged me with, "You can do this!" and I knew darn well that there was no freakin' way that I could do what she/he asked me to do. I just didn't understand. I was frozen between what I KNEW I couldn't do and what she said I could do. It was just awful. In that algebra class, it was very clear to me that I didn't understand it right then and I didn't see anything happening that was providing me with the tools to understand anytime in the near future.

The other day it suddenly dawned on me that kids (including me) don't need to be told, "You can do this" because that has a sense of immediacy. It gets interpreted as, "You are able to do this and you are able to do it right now as we speak." Which might not be what we're trying to say at all!

To avoid this linguistic dilemma, I started rephrasing the, "You can do this!" bit as, "This is something that I know you can learn." Secondary commentary might include, "Don't give up, li'l feller, you WILL be able to do this. You can't do it YET, but you will be able to 'cuz I'm a good teacher and you're a smart kid and I'll help you figure it out." That is a far cry from "You can do it." 'Cuz sometimes they can't.

Yet.

I've seen a few attitudes relax as they felt permission to learn, rather than pressure to perform the currently impossible task right now. Consider trying this language change in your teaching this week. See what happens.

I'll refrain from saying, "I know you can do it!"